Feb 9, 2010

Us by Daniel Tocchini (Review)

Us, a new book by Daniel Tocchini, isn’t about improving marriages. It’s about transforming them. Drawing on personal experience and stories from couples he has coached, Tocchini offers practical guidance to move couples beyond communication tricks and gimmicks to help them truly understand "Us" for the first time—talking honestly, listening generously, tackling tricky issues, breaking out of ruts, and abandoning self-centered “consumer thinking.” The good news, according to Tocchini, is that personalities don’t need to change in order for marriage to work. What needs to change is how we view ourselves, our spouses, and our marriages.

Innovative, insightful and thoroughly biblical, Tocchini’s approach has helped thousands in his popular seminars. Whether a marriage is in deep trouble or just coasting along, it's time for Christian couples to read the User's Guide that God intended.

In this intensely practical, innovative guide, marriage coach Daniel Tocchini invites you to open your marriage to transformation by learning to:
  • Expect less—and infinitely more—of your life partner and yourself
  • Actually talk to each other instead of making assumptions (and accusations)
  • Break free of those recurring, unresolved arguments
  • Manage the impact of difficult (but necessary) conversations on your relationship
  • Defuse conflict without sweeping it under a rug
  • Open the broken places in your marriage (the ones you hesitate even to talk about) to God’s kind of reconciliation
Tocchini explains, “This is a transformational approach to breaking through the barriers and getting out of the ruts in our marriage by paying attention to our conversation—what we are thinking, our motivation for thinking it, and the impact it has on our spouse.”

About the Author

Daniel L. Tocchini has worked with more than 5,000 couples through personal marriage coaching and the unique and life-changing marriage seminars offered through his organization, the Association for Christian Character Development. An ordained minister, chaplain, author, and highly successful speaker/coach, he lives with his family in California.

Book Review

I had a really hard time reviewing this book and give it a positive spin. The main topic of absolute honesty in the marriage relationship is helpful in dealing with couples that are in a relationship stalemate with nothing to look forward to. The author gives helpful hints how to reinvent the romance and mystery in a marriage. However, I feel the author negates the total destructiveness of trust in infidelity situations and other severe hurts we put on the people that we promised in front of God, to love and protect. When we get married we make a covenant with each other and God, to forsake all others. A covenant is a promise that cannot be broken. When we break that promise, we lie to God, to the other party and to ourselves.

The author attempts to bring marriage relationships into the Kingdom of God as a part of our spiritual journey. The author seems to forget that we are all responsible for our own actions, because divine sovereignty does not destroy human responsibility. God gives us guidance in His Word and by His Holy Spirit, not because of us, but through us. There seems to be a spiritual disconnect with the theme of this book and what the author sees as the Kingdom of God. It is up to the reader to dig out the spiritual and life giving nuggets from this book for themselves.

I give this book a rating of 2.5 out of 5

Note: This review was written by my husband Dick

Thanks to The B&B Media Group and David C. Cook Publishing for a complimentary copy of this book for the purpose of review.

# Paperback: 208 pages
# Publisher: David C. Cook; New edition (January 1, 2010)
# Language: English
# ISBN-10: 1434764737
# ISBN-13: 978-1434764737

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